Last year I lost my best friend Kathy. Kathy and I had been best friends since our first day of school in the sixth grade when we were eleven years old. Kathy and I were friends through thick and thin, we were there for each other through boy crushes, first dates, high school band, slumber parties, breakups, heartaches, college, first jobs, for everything, she was my maid of honor in my wedding etc...We confided in each other, she was the sister I never had and vice versa. Then one day, while I was painting our bathroom, I got a call from Kathy's cousin, informing me that my "bestie" was gone, Suddenly, just like that, my world changed. When I heard the news, I literally could not catch my breath to the point that Jason had to catch me, and hold me up, and all I could say was "Kathy no, Kathy no". While I was shocked and distraught over losing someone so close to me that suddenly, it taught me to pay more attention and appreciate what I have, and the people I have in my life.
I decided to use Kathy's death in a positive way, it made me realize that you get out of life what you put into it. Over the years, Jason and I suffered through miscarriages, an injury I suffered in a car accident, my subsequent depression (caused by a combination of the miscarriages and being injured)and I had shut down emotionally, mentally at times, even physically, and pushed Jason away at times too. Things got to where Jason and I would spend most nights watching TV or one of us on the computer and the other watching TV, and hardly talking to each other. It felt like we were two "zombies" just getting through each day. I decided to "tune out" and to "tune in" to my marriage/life, to appreciate the people and things I have, and not take anything for granted, because it can be gone "just like that". I started by doing something as simple as serving dinner on the dining room table instead of in front of the TV, so we could actually have conversation during dinner. I decided to join the "wellness"program that my employer offers it's employees that provides you with your own personal coach who counsels you on nutrition, exercise, and provides you with psychological support when needed as well. For the first time in a long time, I started doing things that I love again like art, baking fun cakes, planning little get away trips to places we've never been etc... Focusing on what's important in my life has definitely made me happier and I feel that it's made my relationships with family, friends and especially my husband much stronger.
My "bestie/sister" is gone, but I feel like she is here in some way, and I know she's "up there" singing out of tune everytime a Billy Joel song plays on my ipod. I just know it.